Since having our daughter this past July (how has it already been 3 months?!), I’ve made a huge attempt to widen my circle of girlfriends by putting myself out there using the tinder-for-moms app: Peanut. I never got a chance (thank goodness LOL) to use any dating apps or websites, so the idea of meeting someone online, chatting it up, and making a date to meet for the first time was heavily new (and a bit scary) to me. I kept reading these articles about “building your tribe” and how hangin’ with like-minded mamas is the key to sanity in the midst of motherhood, but I didn’t really know where to start…it’s not like you can just hop over to a bar grab a drink and start mingling with other moms (but they really should invent one of those omg…like a mommies + mimosas bar. But with childcare). So after hearing about this mommy dating app, I thought what the heck I’m on maternity leave and stuck inside most of the day, so I might as well give it a shot.
The night I made my Peanut app profile, I had a mini panic attack trying to figure out how to best compile a 140 character pitch for friendship to these mommas without sounding too desperate or cheesy. It came out something like, “Hey (name)! I’m Becca 🙂 I’d love to get together for a momma date if you’re available sometime – maybe for coffee or a park date with the kiddos. Let me know!” …and signed it with a yellow heart emoji, because yellow means friendship and a red heart would’ve been a little aggressive for a first text. LOL. Can you see how much I over-analyzed it haha! Making friends is scary, man. But the more I reached out, the more connections I made, and the more relived I felt seeing these other mom’s responses say things like: “Of course I’d love to meet!” “You have such a sweet baby!” “I’m in the area, want to meet up at Starbucks?” These convos spiraled into hour long chats about our birth experiences, how hard waking up to nurse at 3am was, and our mutual need for a community of solid mama friends.
Since the end of July, when I started on the app, I’ve hung out with about 20 different girls (5 girls within my first week!! …now that’s a lot of Starbucks for someone who isn’t a huge coffee drinker HA) and have hung out with several of them 2-3 times now. It’s been such a refreshing experience meeting other moms from the comfort of my own home through the Peanut app…I definitely feel I would not have made such a cool circle of friends through something like mom meetup groups or at lactation groups – while those are great outlets, it’s hard enough to get out to go grocery shopping with izzy, let alone get to a meetup! This has been the easiest, most efficient way I’ve found to make some solid new gal pals, and I can’t wait to watch our friendships (and our little babies) grow.
I’ve always been a people-connector: the one to initiate, the one to reach out, the one to bring others together and create circles of friends – and since it’s October and there’s pumpkin patches, I might as well invite my close mom friends and host a mini momma meet up with our little ones! Here’s a post I made about it on Instagram:
“Today I met up with some momma friends at a pumpkin patch with all our babies (some still in tummies!) 🎃 Sounds totally average, except none of these mommas knew each other before today. They all came together because I had an idea to host a little momma mingle with my own momma girlfriends, plus some girls I met off @peanut ❤️ There’s nothing like having a close circle of girls who are in the same life stage as you: fighting tears in the middle of the night because they’re so tired from nursing 24-7, chasing little feet around everywhere, trying to figure out and embrace their pregnant and postpartum bodies, and just trying to navigate this momma life they best they can while questioning how to best balance their role of wife-Mom-friend-lady boss. This has been such an incredible journey of putting myself out there to meet like minded gals with babes who just need another person to say “I get it. I’m right there with you. Stay strong momma.” 👯💕 So yes, today could’ve been just another day at the patch…but bringing these girls together and making new friendships made it so much more than that. ✨”
So if you’re in the market for some solid mom friends, I highly highly recommend downloading Peanut and putting yourself out there. Don’t be shy, or feel like making mom friends is hard, or that you don’t have the time for it – there are tons of new moms on the app in the same boat as you!! Moms with toddlers, multiples, new babies, or with a new bun in the oven – all who just want to make a solid connection with another mom so you can learn to navigate the motherhood waters together.
Here are four easy steps to making a connection with a new mom friend:
1. make the first move
Don’t wait for someone to come to you! Copy and paste the same message to everyone if you need to, tailoring it slightly so it sounds personal. Comment on their kids, their style, or something about their interests to strike a convo. Then wait it out and see if someone responds 🙂 Or if she’s not super chatty when you meet, find ways to break the ice: give genuine compliments, ask her about how the birth went, find out what neighborhood she lives in or share a struggle you’re going through about being a mom. Being open and showing vulnerability will let her know you want a genuine friendship!
2. take it outside
Make a date! Set something on the calendar so you can meet in person. Any momma is usually up for something simple yet engaging where you can chat, like grabbing coffee then going for a stroller walk around the park. Especially if you have toddlers – what a great way to have them get rid of some energy! Bring some toys, a blanket, and some snacks to share.
3. find commonalities
If she has a girl and you have a boy, mention how you know of another mom who has a boy her child’s same age and suggest setting up a playdate. Or, if you’re pregnant and she has a young baby, suggest going on a walk to get some exercise. Or, organize a pumpkin patch meet up like I did!
4. get contact info
After you’ve had your fun and it’s time to wrap up, ask her if you can have her number (if you didn’t get it already through online chatting), or for her social media info. Following someone on Instagram or friending them on Facebook allows you to see into their personal life (and her into yours!) in which you can start commenting on photos of her kids, “like” her recent post about taking the family to the zoo, and find more things to talk about/common interests for the next time you meet up.
On that note – plan a second date! If you had fun, the conversation flowed and you shared some laughs, why not do it again?! Let her know that you had a great time and would love to meet up again. Make a date on your calendar with her later that week and watch your new-mama friendship flourish!! ❤ Hope these tips helped, and that your circle of mom friends grows!